Summary: Undyne's attempts to engineer a date with Alphys go amusingly wrong.
"Wh... wha? Huh!" replied the scientist with the razor-sharp intellect she was known for. The familiar tone in the lithe fish-woman's voice, the one that always meant there was a prank forthcoming, something intended to be good-natured but that would probably get someone flung into the air or set on fire because Undyne didn't understand that not everyone had the physique of a trained warrior, made Alphys freeze up, her tongue dry out and her brain turn to mush. She could only dimly remember how moving, thinking, saying coherent words even worked as Undyne swaggered over to whisper conspiratorially into her ear.
"Remember when I asked you about the weather earlier?"
"Y... Yes! Weather! Funny!" she laughed nervously.
"Huh, why's it funny?"
"N... no weather underground!"
"There isn't, huh?" Undyne grinned, showing off rows of shark-like teeth, "Wanna see me make it rain?"
"Wh... why, what are you..."
Undyne snapped her fingers. Right on cue, there was a loud explosion of a quality Alphys vaguely recognised, then the fire alarm began blaring and the sprinklers came on.
"Come on, we'd better get inside!" said Undyne, grabbing the lizard-woman and practically dragging her into her own home. Well, it was more of a space cleared out inside the organised chaos of her laboratory, with a sofa that doubled as a bed, a large television, a pile of anime DVDs and a desk with a computer and a large collection of anime figurines. Next to it was a pile of ramen noodle packets and a large bag of dog food. Undyne blinked and frowned at the dog food after she had slammed the door to and locked it.
"Oh, I don't have a dog, it's for all the strays that come around," explained Alphys, picking herself up from the floor and removing the noodle debris, "You do know we don't lock the door in the event of a fire, right?"
"Yeah, but there'll be an angry Metatton storming around the corner in, oh, five minutes from now," predicted Undyne.
"He usually just busts through the wall when he wants something badly enough."
"Not with his arms blasted off."
"Why, what did you..."
"What makes you think it was me? It's Metatton's own stupid fault he was throwing bombs around on his cookery channel and didn't check the fuse hadn't been shortened in a tragic industrial accident," said Undyne, "Now, shall we sit and relax until the rain lets up enough for us to go out? Have you still got the one where the robot catgirl kisses everyone? I want to watch something romantic!"
"Um, wh-which one in particular where that happens? That doesn't really narrow it d-"
A cacophony of barking ensued as a small, white, incredibly fluffy figure erupted in a cloud of dog food from the bag. Undyne's battle instincts kicked in and she dove to capture the little dog but it seemed to almost glitch through her hands, covering the fish-woman in nonsense code and half-chewed dog food. Barking even more energetically, the dog sprung onto the sofa, growled at something that Alphys could have sworn was too small to fit in its mouth, then grabbed it between its teeth and... what? Derezzed it? Alphys had definitely been watching but she couldn't quite remember what she had seen and now her head hurt.
"Hey, you fluffy piece of shit, give me the remote control back!" Undyne snarled, grabbing several spears that had appeared from nowhere and hurling them at the yipping, bouncing dog.
Alphys sobbed as she watched her room being trashed by a now homicidally furious fish-woman and a supernaturally annoying Pomeranian. What was worse, she could hear a familiar discordant beeping and a kind of rolling clank that was growing louder and louder, headed towards the back wall. Their romantic date and, she suspected, her entire house was about to go up in flames.
Wait a second... romantic date? Was this what they were supposed to be like? She had somehow given herself that notion without really considering it too carefully. But that would mean Undyne planned this all along, probably with a lot more extensive thinking than she ever used for anything in her life. If she would put in that much effort, then that must mean...
Grabbing her most expensive limited edition figurine, she dove for cover under her desk just as Metatton, trailing sparks from his ruined arms, blasted a hole in the wall with laser beams that blossomed in random directions from the panels that made up most of his body. Undyne screamed as the cornered puppy edited her onto the ceiling so he could get past.
Alphys had heard love was messy but she hadn't imagined anything like this.